Trying hard to condition my mind

Now I'm in my final struggle for midnight oil again...
I got a handful of requirements, a headful of to-do's
I hope someday these will be all over.
Right now I long of a beauty sleep or a cute day nap or whatever you call those
I am dreaming of going to sleep without any rushing datelines to think, without any bloody reports to graph
And waking up without a hell of brain-wrecking tasks..
Hmmpp....why do I keep on suffering these?

Now I wonder...
what if my AztigMa had not butted in in deciding of what field i should choose?
what if my Didie had carried on his plan and sent me to KL to study?
what if Teacher Ridz had made me took the Ateneo academic scholarship exam?
what if Teacher Vicky had not advocated WMSU-Ipil for me?
what if I had been very stubborn and did'nt follow my AztigMa's choice?
what if I had not excelled in my academic?
what if I had just move on and forget this jerk so he could be out of my mind forever?
what if I had not left Malaysia?
what if I had not met those significant persons in my life?
what if my mind could change and flip 180 degrees just in a matter of day?
what if Ainie had not married now?
what if me and my Abie had never had those crazy misunderstandings?
what if my Didie had packaged my laptop to me last September?
what if I just shift to any course right now?
what if I had no enough courage to face these all?
and if only life had treated me fairly....

I may end up being a loser...
But no, I should stand up and tell the world that I am Helen the Great!
My future lies on my own hand...so stand! Be proud!

♦I am lifting up myself ♦

What is this...?
My head is spinning
My brain is wrecking
My eyes are snoring
I feel like dying

These are more than enough to bear...

These should not happen to me
But why these kept on happening to me?
Hadn't i learned my lesson well?
I keep on trying but my determination is dying
But don't get me wrong
I am just overwhelmed

Nobody could understand me
Right now and right here
I am just me
Just me, myself and I alone

I don't need anybody either
I know that no one could help me out
Definitely no one

Trial?
What is this for?
I know I just can't learn
I should learn my lesson now...

Then what is wrong with me now?
My life is so topsy-turvy

I have to make these
Or shall i break these...?
No!

One thing is for sure
I'll make it by any means
I got a handful of requirements
And a pocketful of dreams
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything will be done
In time and on time

I believe in myself
Just do it
Nobody will help me out
Except for the only one
She's here
She's me
Myself and only me alone..