Trying hard to condition my mind

Now I'm in my final struggle for midnight oil again...
I got a handful of requirements, a headful of to-do's
I hope someday these will be all over.
Right now I long of a beauty sleep or a cute day nap or whatever you call those
I am dreaming of going to sleep without any rushing datelines to think, without any bloody reports to graph
And waking up without a hell of brain-wrecking tasks..
Hmmpp....why do I keep on suffering these?

Now I wonder...
what if my AztigMa had not butted in in deciding of what field i should choose?
what if my Didie had carried on his plan and sent me to KL to study?
what if Teacher Ridz had made me took the Ateneo academic scholarship exam?
what if Teacher Vicky had not advocated WMSU-Ipil for me?
what if I had been very stubborn and did'nt follow my AztigMa's choice?
what if I had not excelled in my academic?
what if I had just move on and forget this jerk so he could be out of my mind forever?
what if I had not left Malaysia?
what if I had not met those significant persons in my life?
what if my mind could change and flip 180 degrees just in a matter of day?
what if Ainie had not married now?
what if me and my Abie had never had those crazy misunderstandings?
what if my Didie had packaged my laptop to me last September?
what if I just shift to any course right now?
what if I had no enough courage to face these all?
and if only life had treated me fairly....

I may end up being a loser...
But no, I should stand up and tell the world that I am Helen the Great!
My future lies on my own hand...so stand! Be proud!