love myself

fuh...after a long hard days of the exam fever, i finally dah abis took some of the bigatin subjects..
now i only have one plan in my mind.....i want to pamper myself now. i want to treat myself very well now.
what is my plan now?
i think i have to go to sug'r saloon for hair treatment...haha i suffered bad hair disease actually.
and i think i have to see a dentist for my awesome tooth decay..i wish i can replace this ugly tooth with a new one.
i think sending e-mail to my best friends will cheer me up.
i think i need to stay away from my books, photocopies and notes so that i can have a peaceful mind...at least for this x-mas break.
i think i must go home and visit lolo this evening cause i have bought something for him.
i think right now i should go out this i'cafe so that i can go to Jollibee and have a nice meal.
for now i am loveless but i am hoping for the best.
still, i have to go and dedicate my time for myself and just for me.
i am selfish but i have to love myself...
i love myself kerana diriku begitu berharga...
bye for now...i am going to take a good x-mas break for myself.
so long 2010....hello 2011☻

Congrats from far here•••

I wanted to be like you...
I feel like I'm envying you but I really am..
I want to befriend you..
I want to call you 'kakak'
or even 'ate'
I want to be happy like you..
I want to be as free as you..
But I realize we're just so different..

I hate the feeling of envying..
But I know for sure you are worth of..
So I tell myself,
Len u can be like her
If you really wanted to..

I bear in mind
Everyone is unique.
But admiring you excites me..
In everything you do
I am inspired
I am aspired
I am driven
I am challenged

After a hiatus of silencing
I realized..
You are my best idol..

All the time

All the way

You deserves everyones' admiration..

Though you never learns any of me
Though you never knows I admires you
Still I feel lucky to meet and know
Beautiful person like you
Inside and outside
You are wonderful

And right now right here
With what I learned
I sincerely want to extend this to you
Especially for you...
☻CONGRATULATION!!☻

Hoping mine will coming soon too... ins-ya Allah...

i want to take a break!!

I had had a real bad time now...and i just don't know how should i handle these...
Argh...! Besok report lagi a...penatnya mo buat report! Good Lord, help me strive this now...

what done is done!

We've just finished taking up a short test on Physics 105.1. Test about our last report-Radiation.

The exam was actually very easy...sort of identification, substitution and manipulation. And guess what? I accidentally and carelessly used the wrong unit in my formula!! I'm almost confident that I can get a perfect score for this test. Gosh! I can't believe I misused the unit!

Lesson for today- Forget and let it be! Never to repeat that in the future..Omg, final exam is coming and I still can easily get off guard of everything.... So now, be it! What done is done.....

Exam sucks!!

Love to be loved☺

AztigMa was here this morning and guess what? For the first time during my big girl days I feel like I am a little girl. AztigMa brought us a bottle of Vitamin-C. She told us the prescription and of course and she left right after leaving us some consumptions and big girl advice.

I am not in the mood to write this now but I wanted to because this is one of the most worth saving.... history..? Hahah but it is really is. Something I should always remember about coz I seldom feel this feelings now. Why yes because AztigMa wanted us to be a responsible daughter that she could be proud of. 

Well now I'm in the state of conditioning myself to be more berdikari. I learned this long time ago but I realized AztigMa has been standing there behind me.. I was not left alone actually. This is the fact that I realized right now. But I really longed to be alone. Why? I dunno....

Trying hard to condition my mind

Now I'm in my final struggle for midnight oil again...
I got a handful of requirements, a headful of to-do's
I hope someday these will be all over.
Right now I long of a beauty sleep or a cute day nap or whatever you call those
I am dreaming of going to sleep without any rushing datelines to think, without any bloody reports to graph
And waking up without a hell of brain-wrecking tasks..
Hmmpp....why do I keep on suffering these?

Now I wonder...
what if my AztigMa had not butted in in deciding of what field i should choose?
what if my Didie had carried on his plan and sent me to KL to study?
what if Teacher Ridz had made me took the Ateneo academic scholarship exam?
what if Teacher Vicky had not advocated WMSU-Ipil for me?
what if I had been very stubborn and did'nt follow my AztigMa's choice?
what if I had not excelled in my academic?
what if I had just move on and forget this jerk so he could be out of my mind forever?
what if I had not left Malaysia?
what if I had not met those significant persons in my life?
what if my mind could change and flip 180 degrees just in a matter of day?
what if Ainie had not married now?
what if me and my Abie had never had those crazy misunderstandings?
what if my Didie had packaged my laptop to me last September?
what if I just shift to any course right now?
what if I had no enough courage to face these all?
and if only life had treated me fairly....

I may end up being a loser...
But no, I should stand up and tell the world that I am Helen the Great!
My future lies on my own hand...so stand! Be proud!

♦I am lifting up myself ♦

What is this...?
My head is spinning
My brain is wrecking
My eyes are snoring
I feel like dying

These are more than enough to bear...

These should not happen to me
But why these kept on happening to me?
Hadn't i learned my lesson well?
I keep on trying but my determination is dying
But don't get me wrong
I am just overwhelmed

Nobody could understand me
Right now and right here
I am just me
Just me, myself and I alone

I don't need anybody either
I know that no one could help me out
Definitely no one

Trial?
What is this for?
I know I just can't learn
I should learn my lesson now...

Then what is wrong with me now?
My life is so topsy-turvy

I have to make these
Or shall i break these...?
No!

One thing is for sure
I'll make it by any means
I got a handful of requirements
And a pocketful of dreams
Everything's gonna be okay
Everything will be done
In time and on time

I believe in myself
Just do it
Nobody will help me out
Except for the only one
She's here
She's me
Myself and only me alone..

one moment

My life is just........

•••I have been missing you girls...!•••

Friends 

Now must I these girls praise 

These girls that have wrought
What joy is in my days:
One because no thought,
Nor those unpassing cares,
No, not in these fifteen
Many-times-troubled years,
Could ever come between
Mind and delighted mind;
And one because theirhand
Had strength that could unbind
What none can understand,
What none can have and thrive,
Youth's dreamy load, till they
So changed me that I live
Labouring in ecstasy.
And what of them that took
All till my youth was gone
With scarce a pitying look?
How could I praise that one?
When day begins to break
I count my good and bad,
Being wakeful for her sake,
Remembering what they had,
What eagle look still shows,
While up from my heart's root
So great a sweetness flows
I shake from head to foot. 

 a poem by William Butler Yeats (revised by helenkhan)

If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move
To live with thee and be thy love.

Time drives the flocks from field to fold
When rivers rage and rocks grow cold,
And Philomel becometh dumb;
The rest complains of cares to come.

The flowers do fade, and wanton fields
To wayward winter reckoning yields;
A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall.
 

Thy gowns, thy shoes, thy beds of roses,
Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies
Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten
In folly ripe, in season rotten.

Thy belt of straw and ivy buds,
Thy coral clasps and amber studs,
All these in me no means can move
To come to thee and be thy love.

But could youth last and love still breed,
Had joys no date nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee and be thy love.

 

The Nymphs Reply to the Shepherd

Sir Walter Raleigh

Come live with me and be my love, 
And we will all the pleasures prove 
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields, 
Woods or steepy mountain yields. 

And we will sit upon the rocks, 
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks, 
By shallow rivers to whose falls 
Melodious birds sing madrigals. 

And I will make thee beds of roses 
And a thousand fragrant posies, 
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle 
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle; 

A gown made of the finest wool 
Which from our pretty lambs we pull; 
Fair lined slippers for the cold, 
With buckles of th purest gold; 

A belt of straw and ivy buds, 
With coral clasps and amber studs: 
And if these pleasures may thee move, 
Come live with me and be my love. 

The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing 
For thy delight each May morning: 
If these delights thy mind may move, 
Then live with me and be my love.

The Passionate Shepherd to His Love
Christopher Marlowe

♥On a Raft made of Yesterdays♥

As breathless curtains stir
to melodies of the singing tree
and the smell of old rain lingers
I drift.....

drift out to sea
on a raft made of yesterdays
dreaming...dreaming of you.

As the moon slept upon a hammock
and a single stroke of night
coloured the sky indigo
I walked into your eyes
speaking a language
our tongues could not.

Tawny skin glistened
in still, humid air
as liquid knees dissolved
upon a scented bed of Jasmine.

Now, memories hang upside down
from stars in our different worlds
as I drift once more out to sea
on a raft made of yesterdays.

I love you more than you ever know...♥